I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
