I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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