She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
