I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
