oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
