The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ttyl tear gas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
