Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
