my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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