I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have aggressive nipples.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
