i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
