Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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