Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
