i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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