fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
