allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.