I wish I could punch you in the face.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
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So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.