I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
