Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess