she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.