I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
