Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
