cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
