I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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