you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
