no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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