Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
