I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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