i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
