im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
