I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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