do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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