Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
