are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
