Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
