I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
