my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
