Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
