Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
