What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
