His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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