its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
