I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
