Acid is not a monday night drug
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
