So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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