I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
