I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
