We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
