listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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