Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
