The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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