So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My bed smells like the plague
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
