I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
