We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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