I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
