dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
