My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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