operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
