you have to choose: penises or morals?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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