I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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