Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
