My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
