I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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