i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
