MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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