i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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