Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
