so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
