It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
