i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
