..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
