found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
