Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
