2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
