I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
