I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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