Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
