i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How's work?
Spinning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
