Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
do nipples grow back?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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