The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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